Image by: Jelena Jovovic
Over the last fourteen years of recovery from sexual, physical, emotional and spiritual abuse, as well as from incest and SRA, I have learnt to use numerous healing tools. I would like to share them in order to help others along their path. Please note that these healing tools are not in order of importance, and what works for me may not work for you. Remember, you can discover your own way of utilizing these tools and personalize them for yourself.
Higher Power I needed to develop a sense of a Higher Power who I could rely on and trust and help me through the pain and healing. This included changing my perception of a Higher Power, which had been based on my parent1s beliefs and what the cults had taught me to believe. I had to work on my anger and rage towards that Higher Power for letting this happen to me until I realized that my HP could not stop man1s free will, and that I am being taken care of and helped all the time. Twelve-Step Groups This was my first introduction to healing and letting go of the alcohol, over-eating, love addiction, and feeling responsible for others (AlAnon issues). I used these addictions to numb out and to repress my feelings. Once I addressed these addictions, the memories and feelings started to come back. For me, I found the Twelve-Step groups a supportive, safe place to be heard and to share what was really going on. Spiritual Counseling I also found it crucial to have a spiritual counselor who worked with me to change my perception of a HP and of the cult1s programming. I could not have worked through the intensity of the memories unless I had a deep belief in a HP who would help me through the healing and recovery and who loves me. Prayer and Meditation There were many times, particularly when I wanted to take my life, that I had to use prayer and meditation as a basis for my healing. The pain and the memories were so intense that I needed to believe that I was being guided and helped. Therapy I could not have gone through the healing process without an experienced therapist who gave me support, guidance and love. I interviewed many therapists before I chose one I trusted. If I felt at all uncomfortable with a therapist, I trusted my instincts and listened to what my inner children had to say. Some of the interview questions I used were: What are your spiritual beliefs and how do you view a HP? How many years have you worked on your own healing and recovery? How many years1 experience have you had working with SRA? What type of therapy do you use? Are you willing to let go of a client when it1s time for that client to move on? Support Groups Therapist-led groups were extremely helpful. I found out I wasn1t alone and that I could share in a supportive environment with people who understood where I was at. This was most important, particularly in the early stages of recovery. I found love, validation and support from the members of the group, who gave me the courage to confront my family and to create the distance I needed from them. Role-Playing Group participants acted the part of each member of my family, including the perpetrators. I was able to see the dysfunction and how fearful and ego-driven each participant was, which in turn finally helped me to forgive and let go. EMDR and Hypnosis As the memories and their emotions surfaced, my therapist helped me through them using a technique called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This technique requires moving one1s eyes rapidly while reliving an intense memory or emotion. EMDR has also been proven effective in relieving systems of PTSD. For me, I found EMDR to be a very constructive tool for releasing the memories and the pain. Using hypnosis, I went back to previous lifetimes to address issues of abuse, and consequently was able to be rid of the pain from that lifetime. Bodywork and Movement I have tried various forms of bodywork to release the memories, as I believe the body stores the memories. I always found a body therapist who was loving and supportive to do this work. More often than not, memories would come up and I needed to know that body therapist could handle the memories. Rosenwork is particularly designed for this. I worked with a therapist using movement and dancing as a way to get my feelings out and to be more present in my body. At first I felt uneasy, uncomfortable, that people were watching me. However, I kept at it, and became less self-conscious. I now love my body. Journaling and Art I journaled every day to vent my anger and rage at my perpetrators. At times, the pen would go through the paper, but I had to get it out. I wrote letters to my perpetrators and never send them. I wrote to my HP asking why this had been done to me. I let my little children talk through my left hand, so that they could be heard too. Anything to get it out on paper! I used artwork, particularly collages, to represent my family and how I felt towards them. I let my inner children draw and color the pain and suffering. Grief and Anger Work I would cry and cry until I felt there were no more tears left and I was totally exhausted. I needed to remind myself that there was so much grief - grief for my lost childhood, the family who never loved me, the life I never had. I used stuffed animals to hug me and console me, particularly at night. I also had my therapist hold me while I sobbed uncontrollably. I had a tennis racket and would pound and pound on pillows in order to get the anger out. I kept the images of my perpetrators in my mind while doing so, and I swore and screamed out my rage. Reparenting Myselves I created a loving relationship between my children and myself and learned to parent them in a healthy, loving way. I try to be as supportive as I can towards them and to listen to them, especially when they are hurting or feeling unsafe. Since my little children never knew how to play, I helped them draw, play in the playground, and do all those things that let them be little children all over again. Nature Nature to me is very healing and nurturing, whether I1m repotting plants, walking around outdoors, or seeing a beautiful lake or sunset. It takes me out of myself and reminds me to be eternally grateful for what I have been given. Medications I have suffered for many years from debilitating depression and panic attacks and so I sought help through a psychiatrist and found the right medications for me. Initially I had to experiment with what worked and what didn1t work, but no longer do I have the huge mood swings and panic attacks, which used to immobilize me. Volunteer Work I found doing volunteer work to be crucial in helping me get out of myself, particularly when I was on disability and at home all the time. Even if it was once a week for just a few hours, it benefited me and put me in a more positive mood. Learning to Trust Myself Because I was taught from an early age not to trust others or myself, I had to relearn to listen to my body and what my intuition was telling me to do. This took many years of learning to be present to myself and to others. Loving, Supportive Friends I very quickly learned who my real friends were as opposed to those who wanted to fix me and or who brought up their own pain when mine was too much for them to hear. My true friends supported and loved me through the healing process. Music and Books Listening to music like "Shaina Noll: Songs for the Inner Child" helped to soothe and heal my little children. As I listened to the music, I felt nurtured and loved, particularly when the pain was unbearable and I had no one to comfort me at the moment. I found books and workbooks crucial to my healing, particularly reading how others survived and recovered and went on to lead productive lives. Their stories helped me feel that I wasn1t alone and that there was hope. Visualization Techniques In order to get the rage out, I visualized the perpetrators all in a line in my mind1s eye. I swore at them and then imagined killing them in any way possible. I was hurting them, they weren1t hurting me, and I was in control, and I got my power back. I visualized myself as being healthy, free of addictive behavior, sleeping well at night, being free of medications, in a loving relationship with a partner, and loving myself in a more gentle way. Positive Affirmations When I hear the old tapes of "you1re no good," "you1re evil," "you1re possessed by Satan," etc., I counteract those messages by saying, "you1re a wonderful child of God, you are loving and kind and abundant in all ways," to dispel the cult programming. Confrontation and Separation I needed to confront my perpetrators over the sexual abuse in order to get my power back. The perpetrators (my family) were in such denial that they disowned me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, because my whole belief system was shattered and I literally had no family left. It certainly forced me to take a long hard look at my family and realize that they were incapable of loving anyone, themselves or me. Forgiveness For me, forgiveness was a process, which took a long time. I needed to vent my rage and grieve before finally letting go of the perpetrators and releasing them emotionally, spiritually, and psychically. I do believe that if I had not forgiven, the unforgiveness would have eventually made me a very bitter, angry, physically ill individual. Taking Care of Myself I learned to eat more nutritiously, to eliminate sugar from my diet, not to push myself, to stay present in my body, to exercise at least three or four times a week and to eliminate the addictions from my life. In essence, I have learnt to love myself. Staying in the Here and Now Instead of being present in my body and in the here and now, I had always been in the past or future, or out of my body. Taking it one day at a time and staying in the moment helps me to be more present to myself and others and to my HP.
I needed to develop a sense of a Higher Power who I could rely on and trust and help me through the pain and healing. This included changing my perception of a Higher Power, which had been based on my parent1s beliefs and what the cults had taught me to believe. I had to work on my anger and rage towards that Higher Power for letting this happen to me until I realized that my HP could not stop man1s free will, and that I am being taken care of and helped all the time.
Twelve-Step Groups
This was my first introduction to healing and letting go of the alcohol, over-eating, love addiction, and feeling responsible for others (AlAnon issues). I used these addictions to numb out and to repress my feelings. Once I addressed these addictions, the memories and feelings started to come back. For me, I found the Twelve-Step groups a supportive, safe place to be heard and to share what was really going on.
Spiritual Counseling
I also found it crucial to have a spiritual counselor who worked with me to change my perception of a HP and of the cult1s programming. I could not have worked through the intensity of the memories unless I had a deep belief in a HP who would help me through the healing and recovery and who loves me.
Prayer and Meditation
There were many times, particularly when I wanted to take my life, that I had to use prayer and meditation as a basis for my healing. The pain and the memories were so intense that I needed to believe that I was being guided and helped.
Therapy
I could not have gone through the healing process without an experienced therapist who gave me support, guidance and love. I interviewed many therapists before I chose one I trusted. If I felt at all uncomfortable with a therapist, I trusted my instincts and listened to what my inner children had to say. Some of the interview questions I used were: What are your spiritual beliefs and how do you view a HP? How many years have you worked on your own healing and recovery? How many years1 experience have you had working with SRA? What type of therapy do you use? Are you willing to let go of a client when it1s time for that client to move on?
Some of the interview questions I used were: What are your spiritual beliefs and how do you view a HP? How many years have you worked on your own healing and recovery? How many years1 experience have you had working with SRA? What type of therapy do you use? Are you willing to let go of a client when it1s time for that client to move on?
Support Groups
Therapist-led groups were extremely helpful. I found out I wasn1t alone and that I could share in a supportive environment with people who understood where I was at. This was most important, particularly in the early stages of recovery. I found love, validation and support from the members of the group, who gave me the courage to confront my family and to create the distance I needed from them.
Role-Playing
Group participants acted the part of each member of my family, including the perpetrators. I was able to see the dysfunction and how fearful and ego-driven each participant was, which in turn finally helped me to forgive and let go.
EMDR and Hypnosis
As the memories and their emotions surfaced, my therapist helped me through them using a technique called eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR). This technique requires moving one1s eyes rapidly while reliving an intense memory or emotion. EMDR has also been proven effective in relieving systems of PTSD. For me, I found EMDR to be a very constructive tool for releasing the memories and the pain. Using hypnosis, I went back to previous lifetimes to address issues of abuse, and consequently was able to be rid of the pain from that lifetime.
Using hypnosis, I went back to previous lifetimes to address issues of abuse, and consequently was able to be rid of the pain from that lifetime.
Bodywork and Movement
I have tried various forms of bodywork to release the memories, as I believe the body stores the memories. I always found a body therapist who was loving and supportive to do this work. More often than not, memories would come up and I needed to know that body therapist could handle the memories. Rosenwork is particularly designed for this. I worked with a therapist using movement and dancing as a way to get my feelings out and to be more present in my body. At first I felt uneasy, uncomfortable, that people were watching me. However, I kept at it, and became less self-conscious. I now love my body.
I worked with a therapist using movement and dancing as a way to get my feelings out and to be more present in my body. At first I felt uneasy, uncomfortable, that people were watching me. However, I kept at it, and became less self-conscious. I now love my body.
Journaling and Art
I journaled every day to vent my anger and rage at my perpetrators. At times, the pen would go through the paper, but I had to get it out. I wrote letters to my perpetrators and never send them. I wrote to my HP asking why this had been done to me. I let my little children talk through my left hand, so that they could be heard too. Anything to get it out on paper! I used artwork, particularly collages, to represent my family and how I felt towards them. I let my inner children draw and color the pain and suffering.
I used artwork, particularly collages, to represent my family and how I felt towards them. I let my inner children draw and color the pain and suffering.
Grief and Anger Work
I would cry and cry until I felt there were no more tears left and I was totally exhausted. I needed to remind myself that there was so much grief - grief for my lost childhood, the family who never loved me, the life I never had. I used stuffed animals to hug me and console me, particularly at night. I also had my therapist hold me while I sobbed uncontrollably. I had a tennis racket and would pound and pound on pillows in order to get the anger out. I kept the images of my perpetrators in my mind while doing so, and I swore and screamed out my rage.
I had a tennis racket and would pound and pound on pillows in order to get the anger out. I kept the images of my perpetrators in my mind while doing so, and I swore and screamed out my rage.
Reparenting Myselves
I created a loving relationship between my children and myself and learned to parent them in a healthy, loving way. I try to be as supportive as I can towards them and to listen to them, especially when they are hurting or feeling unsafe. Since my little children never knew how to play, I helped them draw, play in the playground, and do all those things that let them be little children all over again.
Since my little children never knew how to play, I helped them draw, play in the playground, and do all those things that let them be little children all over again.
Nature
Nature to me is very healing and nurturing, whether I1m repotting plants, walking around outdoors, or seeing a beautiful lake or sunset. It takes me out of myself and reminds me to be eternally grateful for what I have been given.
Medications
I have suffered for many years from debilitating depression and panic attacks and so I sought help through a psychiatrist and found the right medications for me. Initially I had to experiment with what worked and what didn1t work, but no longer do I have the huge mood swings and panic attacks, which used to immobilize me.
Volunteer Work
I found doing volunteer work to be crucial in helping me get out of myself, particularly when I was on disability and at home all the time. Even if it was once a week for just a few hours, it benefited me and put me in a more positive mood.
Learning to Trust Myself
Because I was taught from an early age not to trust others or myself, I had to relearn to listen to my body and what my intuition was telling me to do. This took many years of learning to be present to myself and to others.
Loving, Supportive Friends
I very quickly learned who my real friends were as opposed to those who wanted to fix me and or who brought up their own pain when mine was too much for them to hear. My true friends supported and loved me through the healing process.
Music and Books
Listening to music like "Shaina Noll: Songs for the Inner Child" helped to soothe and heal my little children. As I listened to the music, I felt nurtured and loved, particularly when the pain was unbearable and I had no one to comfort me at the moment. I found books and workbooks crucial to my healing, particularly reading how others survived and recovered and went on to lead productive lives. Their stories helped me feel that I wasn1t alone and that there was hope.
I found books and workbooks crucial to my healing, particularly reading how others survived and recovered and went on to lead productive lives. Their stories helped me feel that I wasn1t alone and that there was hope.
Visualization Techniques
In order to get the rage out, I visualized the perpetrators all in a line in my mind1s eye. I swore at them and then imagined killing them in any way possible. I was hurting them, they weren1t hurting me, and I was in control, and I got my power back. I visualized myself as being healthy, free of addictive behavior, sleeping well at night, being free of medications, in a loving relationship with a partner, and loving myself in a more gentle way.
I visualized myself as being healthy, free of addictive behavior, sleeping well at night, being free of medications, in a loving relationship with a partner, and loving myself in a more gentle way.
Positive Affirmations
When I hear the old tapes of "you1re no good," "you1re evil," "you1re possessed by Satan," etc., I counteract those messages by saying, "you1re a wonderful child of God, you are loving and kind and abundant in all ways," to dispel the cult programming.
Confrontation and Separation
I needed to confront my perpetrators over the sexual abuse in order to get my power back. The perpetrators (my family) were in such denial that they disowned me. It was the hardest thing I have ever done in my life, because my whole belief system was shattered and I literally had no family left. It certainly forced me to take a long hard look at my family and realize that they were incapable of loving anyone, themselves or me.
Forgiveness
For me, forgiveness was a process, which took a long time. I needed to vent my rage and grieve before finally letting go of the perpetrators and releasing them emotionally, spiritually, and psychically. I do believe that if I had not forgiven, the unforgiveness would have eventually made me a very bitter, angry, physically ill individual.
Taking Care of Myself
I learned to eat more nutritiously, to eliminate sugar from my diet, not to push myself, to stay present in my body, to exercise at least three or four times a week and to eliminate the addictions from my life. In essence, I have learnt to love myself.
Staying in the Here and Now
Instead of being present in my body and in the here and now, I had always been in the past or future, or out of my body. Taking it one day at a time and staying in the moment helps me to be more present to myself and others and to my HP.
Finally, I do believe my journey has first and foremost been a spiritual one, then an emotional and physical one. I had to have a firm belief in a HP who would guide and heal me during this recovery process. During the times when I wanted to take my life and there was no one to turn to, all I could do was pray or meditate for my HP, the angels, and ascended masters to help me through this and to not take my life. Above all else I prayed to know that there was a light at the end of the tunnel.
